Emotional Intelligence and Anger

In 1995, author, psychologist, and science journalist, Daniel Goleman, wrote a book entitled, Emotional Intelligence which made its way to The New York Times bestseller list for a year-and-a-half. It was a relatively new concept designed to assist companies in determining which characteristics defined leadership qualities in their employees. Certainly one’s level of intelligence, (IQ), was critical. Their technical skills, such as accounting and business planning, played an important role as did one’s cognitive abilities such as analytical reasoning, big picture thinking, and long term visions. But what he found regarding one’s emotional intelligence (EQ) was that it was twice as important as the others for jobs on every level.

What exactly is EQ and how does it apply to the average individual?

1. You are in tune with your emotional self. You are able to thoughtfully identify and express your feelings. Your vocabulary extends far beyond the standard angry, happy, sad, tired or I don’t know. You have a deeper understanding of specifically what you are feeling, why, and how you need to handle it.

2. You’re curious about people. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the most significant gateways to a high EQ. Empathy is the ability to connect on an emotional level with what others are experiencing and can bond people together on a deeper level.

3. You welcome change. Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and adapt readily to life’s uncertainties. Fear of the unknown is a limiting factor in one’s overall enjoyment and success in life. They can embrace change because they have the confidence to handle it and the ability to make it advantageous for themselves as well as others.

4. You know your strengths and weaknesses. EI people do not feel compelled to always be strong nor are they concerned with what others think about them. They recognize their weaknesses and work at strengthening them. At the same time, they are confident enough to fully utilize their strengths to get the most out of life.

5. You’re a good judge of character. EI people feel connected to others and notice the little nuances that reveal insights into the other person’s character. They understand who they are and why they do what they do.

6. They don’t take personal offense. For the most part, they have a thick skin and aren’t easily offended by what others say or do. In this regard, they don’t get their feelings hurt as often, thereby reducing the amount of anger generated by being offended.

7. No is an important part of their vocabulary. Not only do they have the ability to set boundaries and limits regarding the demands others put on them, they can also say no to themselves. They understand what appropriate behavior is and resist the urge to allow their emotions to inappropriately be expressed, not matter how tempting. They also have the ability to delay gratification and avoid impulsive behaviors, giving themselves the much-needed time to carefully consider the best course of action.

8. You put mistakes into their proper perspective. EI people recognize that mistakes are a necessary part of the life experience. They consider the value of each attempt, learn the lessons, and put the experience behind them. They refrain from the temptation to rehash old news and prefer to move forward.

9. You give without thought of recompense. You are truly generous and altruistic, seeking to enrich the lives of others without thought of personal gain. This enables them to build strong relationships with others as they are viewed as honorable, trustworthy, and genuinely caring.

10. You don’t hold grudges. You recognize that everyone makes poor choices in life and you are willing to put past issues behind you. Holding on to prior offenses is judgmental and leads to increased levels of stress, anger, bitterness, and resentment, all of which are harmful to you. Letting go is a sign of self-love.

11. You neutralize toxic people. You can readily identify those who are toxic and choose to either remove yourself from their presence, limit the amount of interaction you have with them, and/or know how to diffuse their behaviors and protect yourself from their harmful effects. They do not have a negative impact on you or your life.

12. You are not a perfectionist. EI people seek excellence rather than the impossible state of perfection. They strive to be better or do better, knowing that trying to achieve that which is unattainable only leads to stress, low self-esteem, self-degradation, and unhappiness. They delight their accomplishments rather than failures.

13. You live in a state of gratitude. This is a daily mindset. Doing so reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23%. People who choose an attitude of gratitude as a lifestyle experience improved mood, energy, and physical well-being.

14. You know how to disconnect. Taking time off, creating a balance between work and play, dealing with issues and knowing when to disregard them, keeps stress levels down. Disconnecting from work, people, and technology and reconnecting with yourself, nature, hobbies, and God allows you much needed time to recharge your batteries and be more effective in all aspects of life.

15. You give your body what is healthy. This means limiting caffeine, eliminating or reducing the use of medications, getting the proper amount of sleep and exercise, and consuming nutritious foods, properly hydrating, and so forth.

16. You end negative self-talk. The most important voice is the one in your own head. Self-talk will either enrich your life or destroy it. EI people recognize the importance of positive self-talk and its impact on every aspect of our lives from one’s emotional, physical, spiritual health to our relationships, professional and personal success and more.

17. You take ownership for your own happiness and joy. You don’t’ allow others to push your buttons and make you angry, to determine how you feel about yourself, to decide how and when you will be happy. Your feelings, actions, and life are solely the result of your personal choices. You blame no one and take full ownership for your happiness or lack thereof. Self-responsibility is a key component to being emotionally intelligent.

In conclusion, the core components of one who has a high level of emotional intelligence is one who possesses common sense, takes personal responsibility, and practices self-love. By developing each of these attributes we have greater control over the quality of our lives, thereby greatly reducing the amount of anger and negativity we experience.

Special thanks to my guest Erica Peitler: Erica@ericapeitler.com 201-486-1099
Thanks to Travis Bradberry of www.wakingtimes.com for sharing his knowledge.

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The Connected Table LIVE! Have You Gone To Aragon? May 25 2pmET

We’ve both been to Spain several times but never to the region of Aragon surrounding the beautiful city of Zaragoza. In fact, our first reference to Aragon was Queen Catherine of Aragon, the first of England’s King Henry VIII’s six wives. Though they were married for almost 20 years, Henry annulled the marriage and traded her in for Anne Boleyn after she failed to produce a male heir.

In Spanish it's Carinena. In French it's Carignan. Either way, it's a racy red grape.

In Spanish it’s Cariñena. In French it’s Carignan. Either way, it’s a racy red grape.

The region of Aragon has long been fruitful, with a wine making history dating back to Roman times. In fact, one wine making area, the region of Cariñena, was the second wine region in Spain to gain D.O. status – in 1932.  A very interesting region to be sure, the D.O P. (protected denomiacion de origin) Cariñena blankets a vast valley that surrounds the village of Cariñena just west of the historic city of Zaragoza. Grapes are grown both on the valley floor and up the sides into the surrounding hills, and vineyard site elevations range from 400m to over 800m (1300 – 2600ft). This makes for some pretty varied terrain, and terroir. All of which makes for some very exciting wines that are definitely worth a look.


Cariñena: A land of old vineyards and new wines. Almost every vineyard has distinct qualities and terroir that help create very interesting wines.

Though many grape varieties are grown, the main focus is Garnacha, one of Spain’s great red grapes. Another focus is the region’s namesake grape, Cariñena, which is thought to have originated here before being propagated to other regions like France and Italy.

Give these wines a taste and discover #thenextgreatgrape

Give these wines a taste and discover #thenextgreatgrape

A region gaining renewed recognition both in Spain and internationally, we’ll discuss the wines from D.O.P Cariñena and its food with three experts on our May 25th show:


Pedro Garcia is Director General of Bodegas San Valero, one of the region’s leading producers.


Jose Iganacio Lopez, CEO and Co-Owner of New York City's Michelin star Spanish restaurant, Andanada, will give us a taste for the special dishes of the region.

Jose Iganacio Lopez, CEO and Co-Owner of New York City’s Michelin star Spanish restaurant, Andanada, will give us a taste for the special dishes of the region.

migas and egg

MIGAS is a humble dish of sauteed breadcrumbs with sausage and eggs. You can toss anything in with the breadcrumbs.

Sommelier Martin Beally, Wine Director at Seattle's Wild Ginger, will give us his thoughts on the region, and how the wines pair with food.

Sommelier Martin Beally, Wine Director at Seattle’s Wild Ginger, will give us his thoughts on the region, and how the wines pair with food.

We enjoy taking our listeners places to learn about culture and cuisine and hope you will join us May 25th, 2pmEST. This show will remain permanently oniHeart.com and the free iHeart App. We will also feature some short podcasts on our new series, The Connected Table SIPS!.

Our mission is to engage and connect our audiences to the diverse world of food, fine beverage and hospitality and the dynamic people who help shape it through our shows, digital media and educational events. Please ask us about our special podcast series and campaigns that spotlight both people and products. Email: melanie@theconnectedtable.com.

Melanie Young and David Ransom are the insatiably curious culinary couple. Connected on Twitter@connectedtable Facebook/connectedtable. Instagram.com/theconnectedtable. Learn more at www.theconnectedtable.com

Melanie Young and David Ransom are the insatiably curious culinary couple. Connected on Twitter@connectedtable Facebook/connectedtable. Instagram.com/theconnectedtable. Learn more at www.theconnectedtable.com

The Night Shift Broadcasting Live from Sedona Vortex


Sedona is located in the northern Verde Valley region of Arizona and in my opinion one of the most beautiful places on the planet. Nestled among red rocks it is considered sacred by the Native Americans and thanks to high energy vortexes is known as a place of healing and spiritual renewal. A vortex is believed to be a heightened place of energy where it is beneficial to meditate, set intentions and experience peace and serenity. Vortexes are located in various places on the planet and Sedona boasts vortexes on Bell Rock, Airport Mesa, Cathedral Rock, and in Boynton Canyon. I have visited and meditated on all of these vortexes and can attest to the fact there is something very special about their energy. Friends that have accompanied me have felt the same way. I am pleased to tell you I will be broadcasting live from Boynton Canyon and invite you to participate in a meditation with me where we will access this vortex energy. I will also discuss some of the high points of this magical place and accessing this marvelous energy do some mini readings.

Join us in the Facebook chat room https://www.facebook.com/groups/183716975330317/